Ok so enough of all of my ramblings of the past and procrastinations. I have toyed with blogging for quite some time and I have blogged some here and some in other places and I have decided to park my hiney here and stop all of this putting things off nonsense.
I have a lot I need and want to do with my life right now and this is only one piece of that puzzle. I am often criticized (usually behind my back) about some of the things I post on Facebook. Well I have always treated it like each post is sort of a mini blog. Each one is a snippet of something going on physically or in my head. You see working at home can be a lonely thing sometimes. This has especially gotten worse in the two years my son lived with his dad and I spend so much time alone. I miss that social interaction and I have always reached out on Facebook. Well as we all know some people judge us and seem to look for some reason to criticize us for whatever reasons. I have discussed blogging with my counselor in the past and she thought it was a great idea and stated many of her clients do this. I know I can journal but sometimes I just want to hear that someone found me funny, related to something I am going through, or just was interested enough to take the time to read whatever it is I said or look at whatever it is I may post. People who love to sit back and criticize then that is their issue not mine. It makes me feel better so here we go again.
Now another thing I am working on is my health and fitness. About two years ago I was in such a great place physically and mentally. I still had a ways to go no doubt but I was getting there. I was going to Zumba, Yoga, RIPPED, piloxing, etc. I was trying this and that to see which ones I liked the most. Now the first two are the two I stuck to. I let life and some personal and medical problems just let all of that take a back seat and I am totally disgusted with myself. I was in such a positive mental state as well enlisting in meditation and trying to be a positive, motivational being and now I seem to barely keep the energy to function and work and do the other stuff necessary in life. You see I do have depression and anxiety issues and stress just makes all of that worse. Not an excuse but just a reality for me. I fight chronic medical issues every day and those are two of them that affect me physically and mentally. I miss doing all of these exercises and I am ashamed of not eating right. I have got to get that energy and bounce in my step back and sooner rather than later. I will also add that I have a gym membership that has a gym with basics here and classes and basics 20 minutes away and I have Zumba, Dance, Fitness, etc games for XBOX and Wii so there is really no excuse for my lack of exercise other than energy and that is not a good excuse anymore and I have to stop using it.
My son has spent a lot of time here with me this summer and I am so grateful for that and yes he is planning to move back here with me. He is very active. He is growing up and I have to focus on me by still focusing on him of course but finding my own person outside of being his mom.
I have lots of hobbies I plan to work on and hopefully share the outcomes on here. Photography is my first love. I now am getting into digital scrapbooking so I can do things with the pictures I take other than just using apps which I also love to do. I want to eventually make my own graphics and start making jewelry first for myself and possibly selling it later on. I need to act on some of my passions and find myself again and here is my first step by writing this saying all of this "out loud". I need to hold myself accountable. I am getting older and I am not happy with myself weight wise or health wise. I want to be here to continue to watch my son with his activities and some day get married and have grandchildren for me. I want to date again and find someone to spend life outside of motherhood with but right now I am not self confident at all and I need that so I can show everyone who I really am and not this version of me that is too tired to do anything and feels sick and tired all of the time and depressed about who she is. I am crossing my fingers and holding myself accountable so let's roll...
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