They Are Cutting Me Open

Ok so I have not had surgery in probably at least 10 years or so.  I have had two colonoscopies but no cutting involved there.  I have also had one cystoscopy no cutting there either.  I was under anesthesia.  I have had two exploratory laparoscopies for my endometriosis and that is the surgery I refer to being around 10 years ago.
Now I had been having terrible bouts of chest, abdominal, radiating to back pain that left me doubled over and rolling in pain.  I had and am having continued nausea with small bouts of heartburn type pain here and there.  I was diagnosed with gallstones after having an ultrasound.  I visited with the surgeon last week who went over the surgical procedure of laparoscopic cholecystectomy (removal of the gallbladder).  I know laparoscopic is a way better choice than open and I know it is no big deal but still I am having some serious anxiety about this.  I type these kinds of reports and I have no idea if that is part of the issue or not but I keep picturing them cutting into me (even though the incisions will be small unless they convert to open).  I also fear the anesthesia.  I have anxiety so it is not a huge surprise but I do not know if it is my typing these reports about the incisions and all on a regular basis or if it is the fact that I am older now and have multiple medical problems and medications.  It is probably a combination of both.  I keep trying not to think about it but it is really freaking me out.  I mean one of my medications the doctor said to be sure to tell them I am on and I have read it can cause complications so I plan to stop taking it a few days before but still tell them I take it.  I don’t want anything to happen to me.  My son needs me and my furry boys do too.  They said they will play music for me in the operating room so I think some Kenny Chesney and “Old Blue Chair” is in order and some anxiety medication per IV.  I am a hot anxiety ridden mess and other things going on in my life are not helping me. 
I know I am a worry wart but it is part of the whole anxiety thing.  You image everything that can go wrong and picture everything happening and it is just not good.  I may need extra anxiety meds in my IV for reals!!!!

Ring Ring....Bark Bark

 

Realistic doorbells on TV I curse you...Bandit is trippin' and no matter how many times I keep saying "Its on TV, Its on TV" he is still pretty sure someone is here...Ahhhh my guard dog lol!!!

Yes Bandit is quite sure he is human!!

Customer Service This Day and Age

Ok so I have been meaning to blog for days and weeks now but life has kept me busy physically and mentally.  I have a lot of things I could talk about but some of them are better not said in this forum.  I will write a out the lack of good customer services these days.

A little bit of my background first is that I was in fast food for about a year and then in retail from associate to manager over a 9 year period so I know all about customer service.  As an associate I always tried to be friendly to the customers.  Now we all have our moments naturally and nobody is perfect but compared to many around our store had pretty good service.  Regardless of what our district managers seemed to think it is slim pickin' in this area sometimes for good workers who work hard and are the kind of friendly you want and need.  My assistant at that time would often walk around and see how other stores would treat us.  We found people on the phone, speaking only to each other, sitting on the counters saying nothing to us, etc.  This was all over 10 years ago when I left retail and I think these days it has only gotten worse.  I am not at all saying that every place is bad but overall it is hard to find anyone who cares at all about the customers and even can be down right nasty.  Now I must tell the worst story first as it was something that happened to my mom and I am still quite irritated by the whole thing.

My mom often takes my grandmother shopping and they were at a grocery store the next town over.  It is my understanding that she usually buys her stuff first and takes it to the car then comes back to help my grandmother.  She had bought some of the salad mix the other week that was on sale for $1.  Well she notice her receipt it did not ring up on sale so she got it and took it back in to get the correct price.  The lady at the return desk was not very nice stating that this was the wrong kind of salad mix and was not on sale.  She did not check or anything just said that and asked did she want to return it and my mom told her yes.  Now what this girl did next is what is horrible and unbelievable to me.  She told my mom that was a shame because they could not resell it.  She then opened the bag right in front of my mom and dumped in the trash in front of her and stated "look at this food you wasted".  Now I believe my words when I first heard this were "oh no she didn't" or maybe something even worse.  My mom just did not know what to do.  Now the thing is after this my grandmother went through the line and her salad mix rang up $1 for the same thing my mom just had.  My point is regardless of the price right or wrong what this girl did is totally despicable to me.  Little did this girl know that I know one of the managers of this store so I have told her about it and was assured that is not acceptable behavior at all.  I still am in shock at this happening.

While I was in this same store tattling on the girl with my grandmother we went to check out and they only had two clerks and were pretty busy.  Hey that happens!  The guy ringing us up was turtle slow and was talking about how he had all this stuff to do besides checking and they were so busy and only had two checkers and blah blah blah blah!  Ok well I would have like to have shown him a lesson in productivity and how to getter done but I didn't.  Also it is not appropriate to grip about your job you are working while you are working it in front of customers and speed it up mister!!

My last recent story is at the local taco joint here in town.  Now my son orders a crazy burrito that is bean burrito with no beans.  Yes you read that right.  He likes cheese and sauce only and I have tried it and it is actually quite good.  Anyway he has ordered it in at least three towns and it has often gotten a smile or giggle or a "what".  Well this girl was kind of rude on the speaker when she questioned us but I was like okay whatever.  We got up to the window and I knew the total was not enough so I started listing off what we ordered as she had not repeated it to us.  I only got to the second item and she said "oh" and rang up the meat burrito cutting me off.  I paid for all of that and then realized she also missed my bean burrito (normal WITH beans) so I waited as she was ignoring the window.  I then told her that she forgot that item too and we had not paid for it but needed it so if she could just ring me one up we would be good.  I was being my cheerful self even though I was irritated.  She was so rude.  She rang it up and took my money and then handed it to me never saying a word to me about thank you, have a good day, kiss my hiney, or nothing.  What has happened to people these days that they are just so rude and do not care at all how they treat people?

New Chapter starts now

Ok so enough of all of my ramblings of the past and procrastinations.  I have toyed with blogging for quite some time and I have blogged some here and some in other places and I have decided to park my hiney here and stop all of this putting things off nonsense.

I have a lot I need and want to do with my life right now and this is only one piece of that puzzle.  I am often criticized (usually behind my back) about some of the things I post on Facebook.  Well I have always treated it like each post is sort of a mini blog.  Each one is a snippet of something going on physically or in my head. You see working at home can be a lonely thing sometimes.  This has especially gotten worse in the two years my son lived with his dad and I spend so much time alone.  I miss that social interaction and I have always reached out on Facebook.  Well as we all know some people judge us and seem to look for some reason to criticize us for whatever reasons.  I have discussed blogging with my counselor in the past and she thought it was a great idea and stated many of her clients do this.  I know I can journal but sometimes I just want to hear that someone found me funny, related to something I am going through, or just was interested enough to take the time to read whatever it is I said or look at whatever it is I may post.  People who love to sit back and criticize then that is their issue not mine.  It makes me feel better so here we go again.  

Now another thing I am working on is my health and fitness.  About two years ago I was in such a great place physically and mentally.  I still had a ways to go no doubt but I was getting there.  I was going to Zumba, Yoga, RIPPED, piloxing, etc.  I was trying this and that to see which ones I liked the most.  Now the first two are the two I stuck to.  I let life and some personal and medical problems just let all of that take a back seat and I am totally disgusted with myself.  I was in such a positive mental state as well enlisting in meditation and trying to be a positive, motivational being and now I seem to barely keep the energy to function and work and do the other stuff necessary in life.  You see I do have depression and anxiety issues and stress just makes all of that worse.  Not an excuse but just a reality for me.  I fight chronic medical issues every day and those are two of them that affect me physically and mentally.  I miss doing all of these exercises and I am ashamed of not eating right.  I have got to get that energy and bounce in my step back and sooner rather than later.  I will also add that I have a gym membership that has a gym with basics here and classes and basics 20 minutes away and I have Zumba, Dance, Fitness, etc games for XBOX and Wii so there is really no excuse for my lack of exercise other than energy and that is not a good excuse anymore and I have to stop using it.

My son has spent a lot of time here with me this summer and I am so grateful for that and yes he is planning to move back here with me.  He is very active.  He is growing up and I have to focus on me by still focusing on him of course but finding my own person outside of being his mom.  

I have lots of hobbies I plan to work on and hopefully share the outcomes on here.  Photography is my first love.  I now am getting into digital scrapbooking so I can do things with the pictures I take other than just using apps which I also love to do.  I want to eventually make my own graphics and start making jewelry first for myself and possibly selling it later on.  I need to act on some of my passions and find myself again and here is my first step by writing this saying all of this "out loud".  I need to hold myself accountable.  I am getting older and I am not happy with myself weight wise or health wise.  I want to be here to continue to watch my son with his activities and some day get married and have grandchildren for me.  I want to date again and find someone to spend life outside of motherhood with but right now I am not self confident at all and I need that so I can show everyone who I really am and not this version of me that is too tired to do anything and feels sick and tired all of the time and depressed about who she is.  I am crossing my fingers and holding myself accountable so let's roll...

Progress

Well things are on track right now and hopefully they will stay that way.  Dylan and I are doing well.  His last visit was great.  No rages this time.  Lots of good hugs! 

Keith and I had broken up but we are now going to try to talk things through and work them out.  I have been sticking to exercising either here at home or my classes.  I tried a new class last night.  We had a launch party for R.I.P.P.E.D. and it was intense but burns a lot of calories.  It was very crowded in there but I was dripping with sweat and then went into the cold air so brrrr but that is a good sign that it was a good workout.  I was so tired that I finally slept well with no night sweats. 

I am reading a wonderful book “In The Meantime” and I cannot wait to finish it and start on another one of her books.  It is one of those I cannot put down but have to make myself.  I wanted to read in it last night but I was just way too tired.  I talked to Dylan and went straight to sleep.  They changed all of our classes up for the new year so Yoga is now split into stretch yoga and Hatha Yoga so tonight I am going to try Hatha Yoga.  Back to work so I can get off and run errands before Yoga!!!!

New Year New Page New Blog Post

I have started a new page on Facebook entitled Positive Living for Me.  This is part of my new quest to live positive and share with others.  I also have set fourth goals for the upcoming year and one of those is to blog at least once a week so this is post #1.  Woohoo!

I have been sicker than a dog the past few days so this will be a short one.  I have a lot of ideas but not much energy at this point.  I will start blogging and sharing things that will hopefully entertain you and maybe make you laugh or you will find you can relate to.  Happy New Year to all!!